we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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