This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize