Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
