The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
