im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
