Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
