If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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