Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
