Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she peed on how many people?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
