I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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