Banned from zoo.
Again?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
