we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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