ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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