i just wanna soil my oats bro
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
