Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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