I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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