im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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