Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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