That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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