Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
