Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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