She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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