I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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