so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
