i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize