"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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