Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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