I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
