We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
