Do you still have your period?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
