omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
