Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
