how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
