got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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