Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
