she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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