Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
