omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
