I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
