God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
