My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
