remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
