So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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