am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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