dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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