Nicole vs. Life
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
