I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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