I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
