Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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