It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
