Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
