Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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