It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
