you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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