Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
