apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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