2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
