omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
