I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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