You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
