Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
