If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
