I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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