well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
