Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
