If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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