did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
