exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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