Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
