In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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