Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
