About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
