smell my finger.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
