Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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