I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
