What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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